Some people like DAY time and some people like NIGHT time. For me, I like night time because at this period of time no one will disturb you, you can enjoy thinking without any interruption. Nevertheless, you might facing some kind of thing that caused you - FEAR. Such as, lonely, negative minded, sorrow, narrow thinking, losing faith and many more. If you choosing night time, please ready up yourself and against the FEARS.
Somehow, the "element" that really FEARED me is [Betray]. Because of past experiences, I'd get Betrayed by people, the feeling is really hurt enough to make you suffering for few months. I used to be a normal guy, studying in college, working in KL and searching for life partner; like everyone else does it too. I've graduated secondary school at 2003 and graduated Diploma at 2006, then working in KL since 2003 until present. But I have gained a lot of life experiences, including relationship and belief. I learned to be tolerance, temper control, understanding, caring and etc, during in a relationship. I got no female friends for the past 5 years and I will get scolded if I near to any girls. I have slightly of Depression during that 5 years, but I've learned to control my temper and understanding. I should thanks to her for this matter and I can't withstand anymore, so ended we broke up.
Past recently relationship, giving me a big impact and tough time. Seems like I am the replacement for her to passing the time, and I have not aware of this. Everytimes I thought I'm smart enough to analysis or evaluate people, but I was totally wrong this time. I just can't imagine, I'm 10th for her and during relationship she told me that she haven't break up with her bf, just in cooling period. I was like - WTF? I don't like to be third party and I questioned back, "Am I your third party? She said nope." But how come behind of me, still doing something that shouldn't happens in a relationship, such as BETRAY? You told me that you're tired and want to get early sleep, but I found out that you were chatting with your ex or going meet other guys. 2 months and I gained wisely, I let it go and I "HAVE TO". Because of this, caused a big FEAR for me, that is BETRAY. We are not the same world therefore we are not supposed together from the beginning. I'm realistic and you are materialistic, thanks to you and I found my love 1, someone that truly love me.
First of all, I feel sorry to my love. Because of the past relationship, caused a big FEAR for me and my love can't get whatever that she want. But I have gifted her the most precious thing, HEART. During these 5 days, you are not beside me and I can't sleep well. I know that I caused you a lot of troubles and I did a mistake, I suspect you that doing the same thing like my ex. But I was wrong, you are the first one who can unlock my heart and understand what am I thinking. Thank you that giving me advises and Assurance Heart to me, I feel shocked when you doing this to me but I feel warmth. I know I shouldn't suspect anymore and I should have faithfulness into you, I seeking apologize from you and I will change it for sure. I still remember what you had told me, "Dear, please remember that I had chosen you and I won't leave you no matter how. I already decided to follow you and I won't regret, please do trust me and have fully faith into me. I have make a big decision which is I will get a tattoo and it will be your name, STANLEY". I feel touched that you will get a tattoo of my name and I think I shouldn't think negatively anymore, because I get the most precious love from you!
My Dearest Alice Mah,
From now onward, I will fully trust you as I believed you won't do anything that betray me and I will believed whatever you said it to me. I won't suspect and I won't doubt you anymore, please forgive as I know that I quite annoying too (my cares is too much). Please accept my cares and don't feel it annoyed because I really love you, that's why I cared.
All I need to do now is
Breakthrough to Eliminate the Fear.
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| My Beloved - Alice Mah |
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